


Sweet Surrender

by impala_1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: But The Reader Doesn’t Know, Castiel Follows Orders, Established Relationship, F/M, Smut, Winchester!Reader - Freeform, Wing Kink, and eventually consents, non-consensual sexual activities, unintentional rape/noncon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:35:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impala_1979/pseuds/impala_1979
Summary: When first ordered by Zachariah to seduce Y/N Winchester, Castiel believes that it’s something that he will have to push hard to endure... But now? Damn it, he was a warrior of heaven, he had no place in the bed of some human - so why was that where he wanted so desperately to stay?
Relationships: Castiel Novak/Reader, Castiel/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 70





	Sweet Surrender

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not going to lie, this piece got so heavily out of hand and genuinely went a little out of my comfort zone, but nonetheless, here it is. I hope you don’t mind the warnings, but they’re there for a reason. If any of these things make ANY of you uncomfortable, DO NOT READ THIS.

He had to tell her. 

This… he’s been feeling so much guilt about it for so long. The two had been a mated pair for almost a decade now, and he’d still yet to confess how heavily he’d deceived her. For the first year or so of their relationship, it had all been a lie. He was a follower then, too heavily wrapped up in pleasing superiors who couldn’t be pleased. He did this, he betrayed her, rather than focusing on himself and what they had, what they would have. 

He didn’t see what she’d done as anything other than assisting him with his mission, which was to make her his - well, at least a variant of that. He knew that others would make assumptions, but he couldn’t care less - this woman, this beautiful, beautiful woman who he was so desperately in love with  **_had saved him in all the ways a person could be saved_ ** . She’d made him truly love when before all he’d done was exist, and try as they might his superiors couldn’t convince him that existing meant the same as living. 

He shouldn’t have kept it a secret. He should have told his love that he’d lied to her, but instead he’d kept lying. He’d kept lying and more time had passed and the guilt had only grown, but he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t want their relationship to be built upon a foundation of sand composed of lies - after all, if he didn’t tell her, another angel who had been made aware of their situation would eventually. 

So now, as she sits before him with a soft smile and a reassuring look in her eyes as she looks at him, he tells her how and why he made advances on her. 

He tells her  _ everything _ . 

* * *

**_“The foolish mud monkey is far too close to pulling her brothers away from our control - we need to strengthen her allegiance to heaven.” Zachariah had said, voice cold and angry. She’d not been meant to be a part of this - as Gabriel’s vessel, she had no place in the End. He’d left long ago, going who knows where to avoid any and all responsibilities. Y/N Winchester had the same flighty nature, enjoying a carefree, unbound lifestyle. She wasn’t one to follow orders, and the minute her brother had left, she’d followed - in his footsteps, at least. Once he’d abandoned the family for a college, she’d run (similarly to how Gabriel had forced himself to fall after the it Father abandoned them), and even after her father’s disappearance and her brother’s return to the family business she’d steal away on occasion, ever distracted by the wonders outside of their horrific life filled with seemingly nothing but hellfire and brimstone. She’d been through so much, her entire family had as well, and despite their constant need for her she’d still run._ **

**_She was a coward._ **

**_Castiel’s brow furrows in confusion - or, rather, James Novak’s brow furrows. Castiel was only borrowing his physical form for the time being; James’ body would be returned to him once he completed his missions encircling the Winchester sibling trio. First he’d been ordered to find a suitable vessel matching James’ appearance, then was heavily commended upon his return with this one due to the fact that James Novak and Y/N Winchester had apparently had a relationship at some point in time in the past._ **

**_“How?” The angel asks softly, unsure of what his superior was asking. How was he supposed to know what was being demanded of him? Nothing of that sort had ever been asked of any seraph, whether they were highly ranked like Castiel or lowly ranked like the angel Anael, and it wasn’t supposed to be. Superiors were not supposed to request that their inferiors, those angels beneath them, share a bed with humans._ **

**_Zachariah didn’t care about that, especially considering that this request wouldn’t affect him in the slightest, nor did he care for Castiel or what his next request could possibly do to the angel. Instead he ignored his inferior’s question and barreled on with the garrison leader’s next order, keen on finishing the war that he and his superior had started._ **

**_“Humans are simple creatures,” he says quietly, but no matter how quiet his tone was, Castiel could still sense a sort of… malevolence? An anger? A hatred? Angels were supposed to love humans, that was what their Father had intended and requested of them, why would Zachariah feel any sort of negative emotion towards them? “Make her… happy."_ **

**_“I’m sorry sir, but I misunderstand,” Castiel says hesitantly, afraid to repeat himself. Zachariah, while wise, was known for his fiery temper. He didn’t want to anger the seraph with a higher ranking in any way, even if it was because of his unintended unawareness towards Zachariah’s unspoken intentions. “I must ask again... how?”_ **

**_Zachariah rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed by the ‘lesser’ seraph’s ignorance. He didn’t think about how the angel was, by nature, subordinate to him and would therefore in no way read his mind, no - no, he simply believed that the angel should help himself figure it out, even while lacking free will._ **

**_“She... wants you,” Castiel’s superior says with a grimace laced with disgust once it occurred to him that perhaps he should spell it out for the other angel. "Give her what she wants.”_ **

**_“S-Sir?” Castiel stutters weakly, not knowing where this conversation and order were going, but not wanting to see it through to the end. He was incredibly nervous for what his superior would say next, and for good reason._ **

**_“Have sex with her, Castiel,” Zachariah orders without looking at him, “Make her happy. Make her loyal.”_ **

**_Castiel feels an unfamiliar pit in his - James’ - stomach following the order, he feels something he’d never felt before (_ ** _ nevermind that he shouldn’t be feeling at all _ **_) but what was he to do? He had no right to deny Zachariah - and if he did, the higher seraph would simply send him to Naomi to be ‘fixed’, and Castiel didn’t want that… so he agreed._ **

**_“Yes - Yes sir.”_ **

_ Castiel could remember the entire conversation word for word even now, as the second eldest (only by three minutes) Winchester’s hands roved over every centimeter of his vessel’s body after he’d propositioned her, as she touched every atom that comprised his outward body, as she caressed the flesh that reacted to her touch so well, as she made him feel... oh, the way she made him feel... _

_ He’d fought off the desperate urge to smite her the minute she’d touched him in that way for the first time. It had all been so new, and it had all been so scary... _

_ “Are you sure that you want this?” She’d whispered, ever so attentive to his wants while also… not. “It’s your choice.” _

_ No it wasn’t.  _

_ “Yes.” _

_ No he didn’t.  _

_ It was, however, the only response he could muster. She’d pressed against him after he’d said that, her body had been malleable against his, the scars and calluses covering her body from a life of hard work - which he could very much respect - all making sharp, hardened contrasts to the softness of her scar-free flesh, and Castiel had liked it. He’d enjoyed the feeling, even, but that was when he had wanted her gone, when he wanted her dead, when he wanted to smite her so heavily that her soul would no longer exist... but he could not. He had to restrain himself. He had orders to follow, and he would not fail them.  _

_ “Why do you want this?” She’d whispered, her lips fluttering against his neck in a way that made him shudder from disgust -  _ **_yes, disgust_ ** _. That was definitely what he had felt, because he  _ **_didn’t_ ** _ want this.  _

_ “Because - because I like you.”  _

_ He hated her.  _

_ He hated her for existing, for causing problems, for forcing his superiors to make the decision to make him do this. He didn’t want to touch her, he didn’t want her touching him, he just wanted to be home in Heaven tending to the needs of his garrison, who he’d left alone in order to complete this mission.  _

_ Still, he’d breathed out his response, for some reason unable to speak at a normal volume, and when he’d seen her eyes darken in a way that would soon become so familiar to him, he’d known that he’d won - even though he didn’t want to win her, he had. On top of all of this, he knew what that feeling he’d had while speaking with Zachariah was now.  _

_ Scared. He was scared.  _

_ “I have never done… this,” he admits quietly, hoping in clear (to him alone) desperation that this would make her desire him less. Instead, though, she smiles softly and raises a hand to his cheek; Castiel fights off first the urge to flinch and shy away as she gently touches his face, then the need to melt into her soft touch. He’d never been touched this way, not since he was a fledgling and the archangels and other angels had tended to the simplest of needs… but that was before Lucifer fell, before their Father left, before Gabriel abandoned his family. That was before, when they were whole, when he wasn’t the one being forced to ignore his own needs in order to see to those of others… but it would make sense, Castiel feeling suddenly so safe with her upon the simplest contact. He had always felt safest with his mischievous older brother, and with her being Gabriel’s vessel and them being so similar… _

_ “It’s okay,” she’d whispered, her voice soft and tender and… fuck, it sounded so, so safe. So warm. So inviting. And Castiel could see into her soul, he could see that she meant him no harm, he could see that she cared about him so very deeply that she’d stop if he said so, that she’d wait for him until her time came… _

_ It didn’t matter. Castiel couldn’t say no.  _

_ “I can teach you,” she croons softly, intentions pure but filthy at the same time, “or we can stop.” _

_ No they couldn't.  _

_ Castiel couldn’t fail. He’d be punished severely if he did, and then another member of his garrison would be pushed to do what he could not - he wouldn’t submit them to the self loathing and hatred that he felt in this moment, every moment before, and most likely every moment after.  _

_ "Teach me how to please you," Castiel had whispered huskily into her ear, not even knowing how fucking erotic those few words were to her or why Y/N had practically melted into a puddle of arousal on the spot, “I wish to know.” _

_ No he didn’t… But he didn’t have a choice but to learn, did he? If he didn’t learn, Y/N Winchester would have no use for him, nor would his superiors. He’d be cast aside, a broken and used toy that no one desired to possess.  _

_ She gently pushes herself against him again, reaching up and taking his head in her hands before pulling his face down to hers so their lips meet and partake in a slow but searing kiss, the huntress ever aware of the fact that this was all so very new; the angel appreciates this more than he’s willing to admit. He was still very, very scared, and her caution and patience were helping calm the raging storm of fear and anxiety that roiled within him. _

_ Castiel lets out an unwilling gasp as she carefully pushes her knee between his legs and rubs gently. He felt the unfamiliar member between his legs jump at the touch that was so very foreign to him, but with the tenderness included… not unwelcome. When Castiel noticed the weak tugging on his clothes and trench coat, he assisted by shrugging the trench coat from his shoulders, ignoring the way it puddles around his heels, choosing instead to continue stripping while avoiding the huntress’s hungry but unaware eyes. He forcefully stopped his vessel’s trembling as he willingly (though at the same time, not) pressed his form against hers, his hands sliding down her body with the help of her guidance. Once they make contact where she wants them, he does as she tells him, easily making her let out pretty little noises that interested him more than he cared to admit. _

_ He wasn’t one to mess up orders, but he was right: he hated himself even more than he’d believed he would before once they had finished.  _

* * *

_ Their arrangement had gone on for months at this point in time and damn him to falling, but he couldn’t fight off the emotions, wants, and needs that were both unfamiliar and scary any longer. He’d known that he should, he’d known that giving into these base urges that only humans indulged in without need was enough to make him fall from Grace like his second eldest brother, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop his... his  _ **_want_ ** _. He wasn’t  _ **_supposed_ ** _ to want, to desire for such base and animalistic things. He wasn’t supposed to like this! He was supposed to hate it! Why did it make him feel good? Why did  _ **_she_ ** _ make him feel good?  _

_ Why was she safe? Why was she love, affection, and tenderness, despite her hardened exterior? Why was she home? Castiel was so, so lost. He didn’t understand.  _

**_Father, I want to!_ ** _ He had thought as tears of panic and hurt rolled down his cheeks, knowing that his Creator could hear him. He’d cried that out more than once in the past year or so, never getting a reply.  _ **_Father, I’m sorry!_ **

_ Instead of stopping him, though, his Father seemingly allowed Castiel’s unusual torture to continue, and Castiel didn’t make any attempt to end it himself.  _

_ The night he realized and understood everything, his head had fallen back with a soft cry and his hips had stuttered into the talented hand of the woman he’d grown to lust after, the woman he’d repeatedly sinned for. Her lips had peppered soft open mouthed kisses against his jaw, and he’d turned to face her and had taken her mouth with his, enjoying the feeling of the tenderness and affection that he knew she graced none of her other lovers with.  _

_ Damn him for this, but he’d wanted it. He’d wanted it, and he didn’t want it to ever end - it being the mission, it being their interactions outside of the bedroom, it being their lovemaking, it being them and everything they meant for each other.  _

_ What was this feeling, this warmth under his wings? This fuzziness curling around his grace? This tender ache in his vessel’s heart? This yearning to touch, to hold, to keep, to own? Where was his concern for the war? Why was she all that was on his mind? _

_ His hand had come up and cupped her cheek and his thumb had traced her jawline lightly as he mulled over all of this. He’d taken in her immeasurable beauty - that of her physical body, and that of her soul, watching the way both shone without a thread of restraint.  _

_ “You’re sure you want this tonight?” she’d asked him, and he could feel her heart beating heavily in her chest. He could feel her anticipation, her hope, her trust, her need, her want, her… her love for him. For  _ **_him_ ** _. He was tense then, realizing that for once in his long, long existence that he actually did have a choice, that he could consent, that he had free will. _

_ It was his choice.  _

_ He wanted this.  _

_ He wasn’t scared - and truthfully he hadn’t been in a very, very long time.  _

_ “Yes -  _ **_please_ ** _ , yes,” he says, almost begging, and at this point he wouldn’t feel ashamed in any way if he had. He trusted her enough to care for and attend to his needs just as he would to and for her. She’d let out a breathy laugh, and before Castiel had known it they were entirely nude and rolling around together beneath the sheets - they weren’t partaking in intercourse yet, but soon. For now they both were just choosing to relish the moment and the feelings that they were being allowed to share with one another.  _

_ Before long, their sweet, gentle kisses had turned into something more hungry as Castiel pressed his huntress into the mattress, holding her hands above her head with only the lightest of touches, their fingers intertwined. Castiel was hard against her, and the feeling had become so familiar and so welcome that he just ruts against her to let her know, not wanting to end their kiss in the slightest - because while he loved every aspect of making love to his human, he absolutely adored kissing her.  _

_ Knowing this, she doesn’t break the kiss while reaching a hand down and helping him guide his heavy cock into her soaking wet folds. He doesn’t shove himself all the way in right away, no - he wanted to take this slow, to enjoy every pull and push into and out of her tight, wet heat. His hips roll slowly, gently, lovingly into her, and without a need for oxygen he doesn’t attempt to end their kiss until he can tell that she’s struggling for air, whereupon he pulls back and rolls his hips even slower as she catches her breath, one of her hands coming up to hold his bicep while the other remains thrown over her head.  _

_ Her hands had move further up his body, the one lifting from the mattress where it rested, and her nails had clawed at his back, and he couldn’t help it - as he’d cried out from the immense pleasure and the feelings she’d caused with a single, simple touch, his wings had joined his physical body on the specific plane of existence that they shared and he’d blown the electricity out in the entire town, just as he had the first time she’d given him an orgasm - his first then, but definitely not his last.  _

_ Castiel looks down at her, his blue eyes darkened with the endless lust he’d felt, and he’d watched as she looked up at his wings with breathless wonder before moving her hands from his muscular back to said limbs. She’d run her fingers through his feathers, her fingernails had scratched ever so lightly along the base of his wings, and he’d cried out in his mother tongue at the explosion of pleasure; he couldn’t stop himself, because it felt so good - the physical touch and the fact that she saw them. She saw them. She saw his wings. Humans weren’t supposed to be able to see an angel’s wings unless their souls lined up and would meld perfectly with that angel’s grace. His Father had answered his cries, even if he’d not understood at the time. He’d almost lost faith, but in his time of need his Father had given him a place where he could feel safe.  _

_ Her. _

_ With yet another strangled cry, he’d quickened his pace, pulling a whispered moan of his name from her pretty lips. Her grip on his wings had tightened and he’d leant down, pressing his entire body against hers and knocking one of her hands loose, then the other, but he’d not minded - no, one of his hands had snaked up and grabbed hers and he’d laced his fingers through hers, holding her hand tightly as they made soft, sweet love.  _

_ Gentle cries of one another’s names, pleasure, and love came from them both from beneath where his wings had covered them both protectively as they had sex together and as they reaffirmed the bond the two now shared. His hips rolled against hers in a seemingly endless single movement and his wings fluttered ever so gently above them. He had watched her eyes roll back in her head, sensing that her orgasm was swiftly approaching, then reveling in the ecstasy on her face as she came for him and him alone.  _ **_He_ ** _ had caused that reaction in his… his love. Everything he’d realized before came surging back through his mind. _

_ This was his choice.  _

_ He wanted this.  _

_ He wasn’t scared any more. _

_ He loved her.  _

_ He loved her. Castiel, Angel of the Lord and former leader of the greatest garrison of Heaven, had fallen so completely and heavily in a way only one with real, pure emotion could.  _

_ She was his.  _

_ He was hers.  _

**_They were their own._ **

* * *

“That’s - That’s all of it,” Castiel says softly, “That’s why.”

She looks like she’s going to be sick after hearing his lengthy confession, Castiel notes, and his guilt only grows. Surely she would request to never see him again after the all of his lies and deceit, and only Castiel was to blame, because he had deceived her, this was all his fault -

His thoughts of self-loathing are interrupted by her rushing to the bathroom just across the hallway from her room in the Bunker and he follows her there, filled with an unendingly heavy concern. He’d known his admission of guilt would most likely cause an argument between them, if not a full blown fight, but physical sickness was not something he’d expected from his longtime lover. How could he hurt her physically? What kind of partner was he?

He enters the bathroom to find her gripping the toilet tightly, her knuckles as white as her face, her entire body trembling. He can tell that she’s been dry heaving but that she wasn’t being sick, even though she stayed there, seemingly frozen. 

“How can - how can you stand to look at me?” she asks, her voice cracking on every other syllable. “After what I’ve done to you-“

“You’ve not done anything wrong!” Castiel says softly, blinded to why she felt this way about what happened by his desperate need to comfort the human woman he loved - and genuinely still not understanding why she was upset.  **_“I didn’t want you to panic and now you’re panicking which is making me panic and-”_ **

Y/N lets out a laugh, but it isn’t filled with happiness like her laughter usually is - no, it’s bitter and angry and cold and that sound wasn’t supposed to come from his love -

“Not done anything wrong - Castiel,  _ I raped you. _ ” She says, standing on shaky legs, “all these years, you didn’t want it... I’ve raped you.” Castiel tilts his head in confusion - he’d wanted all of it, didn’t she understand?

“Zachariah ordered me to-“ he begins, but she interrupts.

“Exactly!” she cries, “That’s exactly the point! You didn’t want me to, you were following orders given to you by your superiors - and because of it, you lost your family!”

“I don’t need them!” Castiel shouts, tears sparkling in his eyes as he’s suddenly overwhelmed by the terrible turn this had taken. Why didn’t she understand that none of that mattered? That he loved her?

“Why not?!” she screams back, tears of her own glittering in her beautiful, beautiful eyes.

“Because I have you!” He cries weakly, the tears shining in his eyes threatening to finally spill over and fall. She lets out another bitter laugh, and Castiel hates it.

“Yeah, tied to your rapist,” she says coldly, “what a way to live.”

Castiel shakes his head in disbelief, not wanting to believe that what had happened was real, that he’d not ruined everything by being honest. Y/N is silent for a long time, tears that she clearly didn’t realize had come into being rolling down her cheeks in a seemingly endless stream. She shakes her head now and then, small sounds of distress leaving her lips, and as he follows her back into their bedroom, Castiel wants. He wants to go to her, he wants to hold her, he wants to fix everything... but he also knew. He knew that touching her would make things worse, he knew that opening his mouth to speak right now would make things harder, he knew that he’d only ruin the love they shared further. 

“What we’ve done,” she finally chokes out, clearly pained, “is never,  _ ever _ going to happen again.”

Castiel freezes, terror gripping him. She was the one constant he’d had for almost an entire decade now, she was his safety, she was his home, and he’d ruined it. 

“Y/N, no-“ He cries, not above begging like he used to be. Why did he have to open his stupid mouth - why couldn’t he shoulder the guilt and move on?

“Leave,” she whispers. “Leave before I hurt you again.” And then she’s pushing him from their bedroom, away from his home that he’d found and nurtured within her, and is locking the door, leaving him alone outside with his forehead pressed against the wood while her sobs of self hatred fill the hallway. Knowing that it would only make things worse if he stayed, Castiel retreated to a guest room, curling up in the bed and covering himself with his wings. What he’d done, keeping this all a secret… he’d ruined everything, but he’d fix it. Tomorrow he’d make her the best breakfast and explain everything further. He knew that that would work, he just knew it!

Their bedroom is empty of any trace of her and her father’s truck is gone from its place in the garage the next morning. 


End file.
